Karson Technology Limited











Chapter seven Forget Yu JiangHu (2)
Different from other people tall and erectly, different from the small soldier, he cares about my soul, and my slight and sensitive nerve, say tall and erectly that feels I am his child, and I am used to relying on slowly, reliance on the thought. Does not dare to imagine, if lose him one day, how is my world.
,etc. for answer,it would rather commit suicide to fear ones that pronounce moment.
Forgive me, tall and erect.
The emotion to you has never changed, can’t give you a pressure any more just, let alone see you at the pressure the agony difficult to pass have no way of choosing. In fact, you have already chosen, no?
I closed eyes, did not think everything happened.
Tall and erect, weakness of you, kind-heartedness of you, destine you can promise, can’t bear to injure me for me. Time can with indifferent all perhaps, we will afford to have speech one day perhaps, but I can’t accept.
Would rather fly scattered when being most beautiful, extinction like being unable to accept rottenly.
This is me.
Leave you, when I love you most.
Tall and erect, I understand you, to my drifting apart, I understand your desire speech is still stopped, I understand you see too we in actual life are incompatible. I understand your care of my heart, I understand you are letting me learn to grow up slowly, the society accepts. The society handles affairs and is not amazed by, learn to treat everything with the tolerant heart.
Thank for the Heaven, has let me run into you.
Think this all one’s life, anybody come into my inner world, nobody could understand once. I have been already content with one’s lot.
If can get back to the past. Just, if. The feeling debt of the previous existence, it is essential to repay this life, can not escape.
Because just idealize very much, we can not accept any setbacks.
Just love you, fear the arrival of the final result in anticipating.
Because just mind very much, a careless gesture is enough to let me have one’s face covered with tears.
Sleep piece pitch-dark, I plan to look for a job of eking out a living, people often say, the work can shift people’s attention, is wearing hair dishevelled while searching for on the net, receive a strange telephone.
A strange woman’s voice, soft, taking again some is at a loss and undoubtedly.
The ice is blue, I am a tall and erect wife, I want to see you in your city.
It is a clumsy plot, I do not understand, why does the woman always has too much unwillingness, should always tear the truth of the fact bloodily face-to-face, and I had same curiosity and unwillingness unexpectedly, wipe the face arbitrarily, put pieces of collar out of shape T shirt in, with checkpost being casual to blow top of the head angry hair-curler, hurry to a war without smoke of gunpowder joyfully. See oneself in the mirror, fairly have a radiant face, I know, I am young as the capital.
Go in coffee of island, a woman stands up leisurely, conscientious and meticulous chignon, the cashmere shirt next to the skin sets off out the graceful figure, the meticulous one held and is put, the graceful style of conversation, a kind of calm beauty, I was suddenly a bit angry to oneself, only this at one glance, I know, I fail, this is exactly the woman’s image in tall and erect mind.
Unless look at each other by on the three minute we, have language, who glimmer first,can front lines flurried,suffer defeat I finally, let to be that the spirit is originally insufficient.
The woman smiles, eyes curve the curved moon, but hide the murderous intention.
She says, I know why like you tall and erectly.
I do not believe women can be so tolerant, only say it is she that has invincible assurance, regard this as my comfort correctly.
I smile too, I know why not will not leave you tall and erectly.
Is it a kind of virtue too to dare to give up?
I put down money of coffee, leave away.
Having failed completely, the firmness revealed after it is quiet and tastefully laid out to be defeated by that. Just, I am unreconciled.
Pale face, wrote in the common diary at last:
My dear, does not know it will be the last time and call to you in this way.
I am always asking ceaselessly that ask ceaselessly, in fact you have already given the answer to me, just I would rather close eyes.
Very painful in these days, have thought a lot too.
I can accept a lot of things, but can’t accept a kind of estranged feeling. In fact I understand.
Man hold in here, nothing make, enter. I am the person surviving in one is unable uncertain. Originally cherishing very bright hope, in any case, hopeful in the bottom of heart. But now, it is isolated very much by oneself that think.
Do not want to embarrass you any more. Having understood his feeling originally at last too, you who are present were just as I who am original, uncertain and not promising, not even knowing whether to finally love the other side oneself, but not bear to let go.
Also remember what I has said? I will not love a person not loving me.
One is being formed in my heart all the time, thank you for helping me to open, while going all out, I think, I forgive him from the heart too.
In the love, it is the importance like this to offer each other confidence.
Will go to today in lifetime, only when meeting you, want to want to entrust oneself out very much very much, want to want to have a family which belongs to us very much very much, there is no a bit hesitating. I know, to you, this is a choice, can’t fail. I, but has not given you the confidence to succeed.
Yes, perhaps I am not that one is suitable for the person who becomes the wife, though I want to want to work as a good wife’s good mother very much very much.
Imagination is always bright, and reality always collapses at the first blow.
Our grief lies in, we are only the people of beauty very much, only beautiful is mostly fragile, can’t permit the flaw.
In any case, you are that an only one enter into my person in the heart of hearts, give me a period of so bright time. Once the fragile and bossiness of conniving at me how is it. I have not come round either till now, what kind of debt of feeling we last lifetime store up.



Chapter seven Forget Yu JiangHu (1)
If I can’t live with you, then this is understood, but because understand. Because a others’ one, one’s own true agony at the same time, because of being true painful.
I understand you, just as understand myself, the more as soon as I leave oneself far, I slip into oneself deeply. Sometimes I feel alive except one’s own body, so, I am by you whenever and wherever possible. Use Thai Gore’s a word, hope I will not cause and bear your love, because I choose, love you, want love by unrestrained since. While striking and making this sentence, heart is painful but enjoyable truly.
No longer calling me tall and erectly, I begin to be swayed by considerations of gain or loss. Time blood in the heart, I know everything soon so bad-tempered to but stop.
Can’t fall asleep, do and stare flankly opening eyes. Having put out all lights, open all windows, the sound in the dark wind pleasant to the ear. Like the skirt in sleeping rosily in fresh and cool breath in the wind to stroll about, illusion is turned into a dark rose at night, wait, until the petal one withers. Perhaps only the rose, will sting so as to ache in life. If can’t be beautiful forever, would rather remind that once staying and staying by way of ath pain. I do not give the telephone, just wait, such a relation is originally full of inequality, I’m afraid to bring the trouble to his life.
Every day, have a bath with the cold water, the ice-cold liquid lets me receive transient happiness in the shower nozzle, appear in the brain out the thing in pile, like the flowing water, the flood peak is closed, thinking is bad-tempered too but stopped. Memory degradates terribly, perhaps it is a good thing, just sometimes, when you think about very much what get up, the head will ache.
Tall and erect used to say to me, wanted to go to bed earlier, went to look for him in the dream, but, I who am present, often see the sky turning white slowly, in this way, one day passed by again, do not have his voice. I can what does it speak, everything much less, what I think print in his brain, he will not understand, will understand. Such and such feeling, nobody already can understand. Feel lonely when not meeting, meet, more lonely, so lonely as to go mad.
I begin to be used to remembering, recall all beautiful things, they let me feel happy. A butterfly flies over in front of the window, perhaps it is only the illusion, the butterfly is a life that I like, beautiful, fragile, transient. I like fragile and transient thing beautiful of everything, there are fireworks, perhaps there is love. Remember once doing a psychological test tall and erectly for me, elect one as trade mark from several animals, I have given up butterflies, chose an orangutan at that time, just unwilling to let him see my fragile nerve, that will break out the string broken soon. About all code words of the butterfly, I see. Has chosen the butterfly tall and erectly, I know he will select, a only beautiful and affectionate man. One can be understood to every sound of men of sigh of my. Say tall and erectly, I am that rib that he lost, will ache indistinctly. And I, have already ached and not feel, forgot to ache in even scar. Want to leave a deep seal on his arm very much, wipe that kind not going forever, it can not be ruthless that after all the lower heart will come. The deepest seal stays in heart forever. Say tall and erectly, I carve on his heart with the diary of handle of a knife. My heart is paining gently while saying this words. Did not once think the heart would ached again yet. There is a kind of tacit understanding, became eternity after meeting, or rob forever.
I begin not to speak very much every day, do not phone very much either, except write, see discs, still wait. As soon as the telephone rings each time, the neural texture goes straight over, and all disappointed each time.
Bei Bei is said, the ice is blue, let’s come back quickly, you will be mentally deranged to go down like this.
I, still insisting on, I hear him say to me, the ice is blue, don’t wait in person, otherwise, not to two years yet. Have promised, I will wait.
Xiao Cheng calls. The ice is blue, I have made the stewed sparerib of potato, come to eat quickly.
Xiao Cheng’s sound is young and happy forever, this happy and clean child.
In Xiao Cheng’s attic, I am gluttonous and lazy that one forever. Xiao Cheng always supervises me lots and lots of times, washes hands. Except that hands are also washed by oneself, my inert full play has reached limit, if is all right, itching hands have all been taken away and washed by Xiao Cheng.
I like that attic, warm and comfortable, can see night sky from the skylight, there are stars once in a while.
Sometimes I will see Xiao Cheng painting silently. Sometimes sit on the soft mat in the corner of the wall staring flankly. Like all foot to stroll about in Xiao Cheng’s room, thick wool carpet, the mere foot is stepped on softly, there is not a silk sound, can frighten to one’s own shade, as if in whose heart is on foot.
I say, Xiao Cheng, I like your carpet, in whose heart to walk seem, soft.
Laughing at by desolate achievement, on these lazy kind of yours, who puts you in the heart, that heart will not all become rubbish heaps. I succeeded first to beat chasing desolately suddenly and violently, suddenly remembered the day staying with small soldier, once so happy too, so unrestrained.
The rain has arisen outside, have seen from skylight gone over, it seems to be eyes of the house, are shedding tears ceaselessly. I contract in corner, hear the ” fool quay ” constantly, let lonely to attack, first first. It is the tall and erect in day,I go often because it for Cheng Xiao, I make nothing, fears chilly all day, like waiting to pronounce, and in lonely time, there is miss of letting people suffocate.
Do not see clearly oneself is like already losing, is also like having forever to the tall and erect emotion. It has already been a century body to just turn one’s head.
They say, help each other when both are in humble circumstances, might as well forget Yu JiangHu.
On MSN, I question ceaselessly. And is talking packthread tall and erectly ceaselessly. He no longer says that loves me, no longer.
” the love story of Tokyo ” is put in DVD, Japanese TV play liked very much, it is fragrant to like jasmines, that piece dare child that love, that piece seem child that any other things lie in nothing mind, some for instance, Min Zhao ” rest on it slaughter dragon write “, like knowing what ‘s girl oneself wanting such, but Zhao Min is more fragrant than the jasmine and much luckier, it seems that such a girl is destined to meet the indecisive man that did not know how to refuse, or the play is unable to perform. I seem to understand, if does not want to lose him, only have oneself to break the wrist.



Chapter six Flower (4) of pessimism
While giving birth to the child, she insists on wanting the natural labor, the child is too big, more than 4 kilograms, she insists on, I am so tense as to collapse soon outside the delivery room.
I suddenly thought, left by oneself and will not near this person, left non- near again. There is too much memory which belongs to him, I am unable to replace a lot of things. Paining in the heart pestering, I am unable to reach the emotion which belong to them forever, how I am to hope to have a tall and erect child, belong to our child, it must be clever and beautiful. Know my fondness of the child tall and erectly, when the child that I am keeping watch on others’ home constantly turn round, he often pats my head, looking at me with smile, miss children again? Will have, babies.
Tall and erect to say I think may mistake people I, have small she that used to it regard as you likewise fault sometimes, so we among life no matter how how hard does it coordinate, step lack of half make. No, tall and erect, tall and erect, you have deceived me, have deceived oneself too. You, to her love, perhaps even you yourself have not seen. And I, just one which you can not find on her is compensated, my enthusiasm, mine dares to like daring to hate, some of mine is just the feeling and world outlook the same as you, let you get transient supplement. Perhaps you are only because no matter how much efforts are made, it is unable to change the other side, or unable to make the care that you want, disappointed, perhaps, even retaliate against, just have my appearances, will just have with wife’s talk without mincing words.
Tall and erect while reminding me of her, always use ” the wife ” This call, the slight place, let me get to the bottom of heart coldly, I even think whether he is reminding me. Yes, they are the husband and wife of the first marriage after all, I, who is it?
I watch tall and erect eyes, discover oneself think any emotion originally just silent. I know, I let to feel pressure tall and erectly. He is actually a person who lacks courage, shrink back, it is the only posture that can be adopted. I know, in fact have a decision tall and erectly.
We are a kind of person, even if the emotion is deeper, ice-cold too in eyes.
I am not rather tall and erect, only at his place, I will not be injured, even if he can’t give me any commitment, even if in fact, I have already been injured.
I look tall and erect, quietly, just as see him for the first time, at that time, he sat in the position of the corner of the bar, one are brought the Buddha man, now, just the same as before. Once, I had seen love in his eyes, even written in water, I had already satisfied. Tall and erect ears are very big, big earlobe, the representation that it is said it is a good fortune, he does not like others to touch his ears. I have many to want to say, but does not know how to say, I have much emotion to want to express, wonder how to express, I like tall and erect ears, but I do not dare to feel, I’m afraid to be refused, I do not give others a chance to refuse.
It is tall and erect for me to watch, feel he in go far from me gradually, want, catch he very much, and I can make, just comforting his face, his head. Suddenly went to turn over the head tall and erectly detesting, how many times are told you, don’t touch my head.
All was attacked hurt and wrongedly in mind in a flash, I have resumed the natural instinct of the hedgehog. In front of Zhuo, think I to can unload to lose suit of armour all over, but toppled over in a flash originally. I look tall and erect with ice-cold and unbending sight. Stupefied in such sight tall and erectly, he does not know, one’s own ice would do so bluely originally. Do not know my pain tall and erectly, for an unwarranted commitment, come to a strange city alone; Fear pain is but die-hard to want one child to belong to him; The proud person of air of such mark, hear his criticizing and accepting with a smile too; But tall and erect, you how each mention your wife with voice of tender feeling in front of me? Why do you want to let me see your hesitating? , do you really ignore my agony? No, tall and erect, you see, you are just doing it for me to see.
Give tall and erect leave, it rain, rainwater row the train windowpane, the world has cried for the paint face. I can’t cry, bear, bear, it is hurt and wronged to bear the tears into one kind. Say tall and erectly, do not like seeing me and shedding tears. It is just a usual difference, why giving up like this in the heart, like parting forever. Twitch in the heart, can not see future, do you love me? Do you really love me? Why I can feel vast and hazy, why? Why I can’t have a distinct answer, why do not I know what you are thinking on earth? Find, promise, so a meaningful thing originally, it will make you calm for the first time, let you see the clear one’s own direction. I think, I begin to excuse me in the small army.
Sit on the car, see the tall and erect car brushes past. Tear, until consciousness spring well up.



Chapter six Flower (3) of pessimism
I knew at last which kind man I liked, they all had a firm expression in one’s eyes, and the composure posture of taking a tense situation calmly.
And tall and erect, be messy in the heart? I do not know. The ones that have not just thought of as hitting while meeting by the acquaintance oneself are bold and assured.
Bei Bei is said, you violate the ethical one like this, the other person should be condemned forever.
I carry back with perfect assurance at all times, but do not have emotion but that unwilling to make way for is a real third party just now.
But, why will I think that have a guilty conscience?
I think, I will suffer retribution, sure.
That boy is good, he likes you. See me smiling tall and erectly.
Are you jealous? I am bantered on purpose tall and erectly.
How can. Smile tall and erectly.
Yes, how? Then what I really can be regarded as? It can not even be jealous to me to be tall and erect. Pain in the heart bluntly and bluntly, the language is getting sharp immediately.
I know, begin to think me impervious to reason tall and erectly.
Xiao Cheng stops up me the rim of the mouth of a bottle, etc. to fit the cap of the lane, is because of him? You because of him?
Xiao Cheng, where am I unhappy?
The ice is blue, you can deceive me, can defraud of one’s own heart?
Xiao Cheng, in fact you are wrong, it is luxurious to me to be happy, it is only with him, I will have transient happiness, though perhaps will regard long-time agony as the cost.
Deserve?
Worthy.
Ice blue, in fact a lot of things just because it belong to you or unable to belong to you you can think it to be precious, will hope to have even more, but does it really suit you?
I think he is the only companion of my soul, even if we can not be together, even if we have too much difference, even if he has many shortcomings, but he is the people entering into only my soul, he lets me think oneself not lonely any more, his every sentences have function of calming soul for me, he is that kind even if let me far look, my content with one’s lot person.
The ice is blue, you look at me. Cheng Xiao pull shoulder of me, I tell you whether people only in companion of soul, just it is difficult to ask. You should understand, even if you ask nothing, will bring the disaster to his life.
I have seen and loved in Xiao Cheng’s eyes.
In life, full of disasters, and I am the star of calamity, I brought the disaster in various degree to the people around. Alternatively, I shouldn’t exist at all. And I, there are cat’s generally hard lives, perhaps, I shouldn’t fall in love with anyone, shouldn’t let anyone fall in love with me either. I only offer as a gift to fall to an evil spirit of this world.
It is twelve o’clock at mid-night to receive the tall and erect telephone, I am passing through the more than half cities on the last bus, tall and erect and drunk, to sob whom I hear his Chaos on the phone, he says, the ice is blue, I miss you very much, think you are the more lonely. I say, tall and erect, have a rest obediently, the wine will be never solving medicines of spirit. Too noisy on the car, hear the sound not clear and tall and erect, just anxious.
Not dialing the tall and erect telephone until after home, this is the first time to put through that number, if night is too deep, if not the tall and erect drunk language upsets me, perhaps I will never put through that number, the following thing should be unable to just happen so.
After the ring tones has been loud for a long time, I hear a sound, very gentle female voice. Alarm in a flash, put down the telephone, I can face the she with perfect assurance.
For a long time, tall and erect to come on, think I. This city, a kind of disease prevails, it is lonely to be called. I, just like an impatient lion, the neighbour’s TV is loud, I can not fall asleep, write out things either, some cigarette only, stroll about in room, finally, fall in wall ruthlessly pillow.
Calling tall and erectly, I have one’s face covered with tears.
Then, as soon as I see tall and erectly, I flee on his body rubing. This man, he can’t bear to make me sad, no?
I am only one and has been pulled out the lion of nail and tooth, outwardly strong but inwardly weak, all selfprotectionist actions are just a kind of posture, collapse at the first blow.
It was I who am clever when the beginning that liked tall and erectly, but now, I sting, let him pain all over the body, the distance does not have.
Nightfall, curled up on the bed, said tall and erectly:
She knows I see you.
Did you tell her?
Have not spoken tall and erectly.
I know, it is a person who will not lie to be tall and erect, I have been believing all the time that tall and erect to every sentence which I said. How does she say?
She says she has already lost one’s own favorite, has hoped I can get hold of my emotion.
Then what?
Then she has cried for one night. Taking daughter to Zhouzhuang by oneself the next day, she said she wanted to begin to be learning to live independently. I even begin to hesitate, but the end, I have come, have come to your place.
I see tall and erect agony and can’t bear, and I, anything can’t say a burst of nose miserable.
Begin to remind me of his wife tall and erectly, very usual love in that days of once, get married, there is no too much passion, but there is too much responsibility. But I have seen detailed and detailed tenderness in tall and erect memory. My heart began pain, but hung smiling on the face.
Say tall and erectly, she is a very kindhearted woman who has the scheming, so-so, there are a lot of small habits like you, but a very classical woman, speak very polite on foot, either very radiant with joy, pieces of person that hold back very much in a word. She once saw a beggar at the gate of company, had also specially bought a steamed bun for that beggar, as a result is chased by a group of beggars into the company. Muddleheaded from morning till night, she falls asleep if you speak with her. Say tall and erect and silently, I hear silently. The tear drops silently, does not allow seeing tall and erectly.



Chapter six Flower (2) of pessimism
Kissing ears of my inflammation tall and erectly, the ice is blue, you needn’t suffer such torment for me.
I am perfectly willing.
The ice is blue, your reality is ordered, come back as soon as possible. Bei Bei is said on the phone, that of yours does not call the love at all. Others go, act as the other person is to get wealth to take color, what is your picture, is the ice blue? Don’t let me snivel then, will pay no attention to you.
In fact the ice is blue, you can not forget the small soldier all the time, don’t retaliate against by this way, will only be injured further.
The ice is blue, you are not yourself now, do not have consciousness? You two unfair role actually, why person who always enjoy awkward oneself always it will be you?
You are wrong, Bei Bei.
I have nipped off the telephone of Bei Bei, I do not need others’ understanding, still more. Bei Bei has been said, this kind of personality not crying without knocking into the south wall of yours, should suffer losses sooner or later. Sit on the rattan chair, some cigarettes, finger tips twine round the small soldier’s taste, yes, perhaps the small soldier has already become a part in my life, a kind of habit. Then, do I love on earth to the tall and erect emotion? , I am really lonely, and this man intrudes upon in an appropriate way when being appropriate, need only a word can touch soft rib to get me, then compromise.
Day begins to become very long, I begin to be melancholy, and more in tall and erect sight one layer is perplexed. I am a sensitive woman, have eyes which know the affairs of human life clearly, tall and erect sight begins to be free, begin to lack resolution, he does not carry, I do not say either. Will break out some day.
Happiness written in water like this always, I could not remember the happiness that once had unexpectedly. Once a kiss that he suddenly gave on the street to me made me excited, he is originally a very serious person in the public occasion. Do not just know when to begin, he no longer takes me by hand, he says, the ice is blue, whether you don’t swing one’s arm while walking, do not need the tap-tap, a bit more polite. Get up to give and buy the breakfast tall and erectly early, but he has only eaten two, says, the ice is blue, I do not like eating this. Then busy to go, buy vegetables, cook without end, tall and erect to stop after getting a little knowledge of a subject or about sth., immediately, red eye socket, tidy up the bowls and chopsticks getting hurt and wronged.
Emotion and life, was really two different matters originally, I began to be perplexed and alarmed, began to be agitated, in life, so nitpicking a man, can deal with and obtain.
Xiao Cheng will often phone, invite me to go out to play together, or go to his place to eat, he knows I am lazy, generally speaking always live not so badly the bubbles of eating.
He says, the ice is blue, you should live a normal life, there is daily life with normal normal work, there could be good health and fitness in this way, you will upset people very much if go on like this.
I say Cheng Xiao, the emperor anxious in anxious eunuch really. The desolate achievement acts as the first puffed rice for me.
I talk about Xiao Cheng, you are not too arrogant, can not put down the wife carefully, a friend of mine once warned us seriously, must not dare to look for and study medicine to look for the boyfriend, the sex is cold, or a clean addiction. The eyelid that her doctor’s boyfriend suddenly opened her when two people looked at each other exuding tenderness and love says that it is said, not bad, the color is normal. Or stroke her vertebra from top to bottom when holding her, then say, not bad, not aslant. The fantastic one is abnormal.
Xiao Cheng laughs, Haha, puts down and can not bring you to press the stockaded village.
All of a sudden I sink the lower face.
Xiao Cheng no longer speaks, sometimes, feels Xiao Cheng is very afraid I, afraid I am angry. And I, angry in front of him unprincipled just, one that is all hurt and wronged to vent on at his place.
The ice is blue, I think you more and more unhappy, why?
How? Besides, Buddha says, will come down in order to suffer hardships in life. I smile.
Xiao Cheng smiles too, I just hope you can be happy.
Destined too to be sad if perhaps belong to the blue happiness of ice. I am a person apt to be depressed and worried, can open the flower of pessimism in the piping times of peace.
Take Zhuo by hand, walk in this piece on we strange city very. The tall and erect step is very big, I must trot, seem to be always catching up with the paces of a kind of different frequency. Why consciousness unexpectedly when the beginning, it is calm to get blindly, the truth not changed from days of old in this love formula. And I, will still be holding tall and erect arms very sweetly, look up at him gently, even he is displeased, it is unbending that I have me. And I know this arm to belong to me curved originally, I wonder how long still can be had.
Once saw such a word: Future disaster, the mouth dry tongue be, happy today, will all like.
Liking very much, there is a kind of great desperate scene. Walked out and grew the desperate air grown too while walking unexpectedly. The place waning of the lights, will fall down if the tears are baffled, wipe away silently, it is the woman’s tears that he is most afraid. Have kinds of man, see tears want, run away, I, give tall and erect to bring the heavy feeling already. I see, but can’t get rid of.
Stand by a small stand selling the silverware, hands pick up a on and white carving silver is given up, hang a same silver to give up on my neck, I do not admit having any memory to the small soldier oneself, but can’t lose this finger ring all the time. Had once stared at it tall and erectly for a long time, did not speak at last. In this way the man of the age, has already known clearly. A lot of things can’t be said, it is wrong to say, for example love. I have thought it tall and erect, he is looking at me too, very strange expression in one’s eyes, have no language relatively.
At that time, Xiao Cheng intrudes upon.
The man that is holding looking at among I and arm, become a little distracted desolately.
Is the ice blue? Child child really, how can cover up calmly like being tall and erect. And tall and erect, have also already pierced and succeeded desolately.
I pretend to greet happily, Xiao Cheng, tall and erect.
One in a few words is greeted, the victory or defeat is divided promptly.



Chapter five Happy today will all like (2)
I know all easy my hearts have been reviewing and persuading oneself all the time
Most afraid you suddenly said that wanted to give up
The love really needs courage to face the slander
So long as an expression in one’s eyes of yours affirms my love is meaningful
All of us need courage to believe that will be together
Crowd are crowded I can feel you put your sincerity in my palm
If I strong to can injure you because of carelessness while being wilful
Whether you can remind me gently though the heart is too worried fear to lose you by mistake even more
Chapter six Flower (1) of pessimism
The man shouting on the fruit stand, bean curd Xishi, is shaking the old man that the cattail leaf fan gets sun at the roadside, it is one day that time solidifies, look at the blue and green stone way board and lost in thought, the slabstone has already been seen through by sight, it is too shy to stand up, suffused with the thin light. Perhaps, go out of a work person in the slabstone taking off. It is still a sample of that year, that year’s circumstances.
Such an old street, let me want to go to Vietnam sometimes, want to go to Saigon, think of Lars and her lover Du.
Just know, it was so difficult to suit originally after leaving.
I do not go to the tall and erect city, clever if ice is blue, how to let oneself face any kind of awkwardness, no matter offer tall and erectly, or anyone.
I remembered it once to saying tall and erectly, I went to your place simply, the answer that is got was to talk ambiguously, this lifetime, there is not the same question again. And tall and erect, if can’t be with me, I will never set foot on that land that he belongs to.
From the tall and erect city not far, rent the next set of old rooms. I am that one is a kitten with vagrant love, climb to the body of another city from a city, untiring.
The old room is in the centre of the old city, very old city, very old street. The shabby bicycle tricycle is twisted creakily creakily.
Lane son of narrow slabstone, deep, dark. Once in a while, in the street will spread voice of Chinese fiddle or who of old record sound of gramophone, unless it is the thin the thin, mention stand up heart,innumerable twists and turns round,silk last ring to buckle silk, so thin that let you love, then suddenly disappeared, the heart which wore you hung in midair.
The man shouting on the fruit stand, bean curd Xishi, is shaking the old man that the cattail leaf fan gets sun at the roadside, it is one day that time solidifies, look at the blue and green stone way board and lost in thought, the slabstone has already been seen through by sight, it is too shy to stand up, suffused with the thin light. Perhaps, go out of a work person in the slabstone taking off. It is still a sample of that year, that year’s circumstances.
Such an old street, let me want to go to Vietnam sometimes, want to go to Saigon, think of Lars and her lover Du.
I live on the seventh floor, the only top floor of high building in this block, have big windowpanes, can see the roof of the old city splashed with gold colouring under Yu Hui and the setting sun of the setting sun, often sit in the rattan chair by the window seeing shine clouds staring flankly, in ceaselessly staring flankly when wait, think that so goes always by oneself.
Come to this city for the first time, cause considerable trouble. Decline, work, money on hand want getting urgent to order, spend, I till death unwilling to spend tall and erect one, seem, prove a one’s own one clean, and originally, how use small money of soldier calm only in this way, always enjoy, the greatest hope is that the small soldier can much make the much money, I sit on the bed counting every day. Whenever talk about this hope, at the time of the smile that hopes like showing idiots, the small soldier says, it is be careful not to be killed by the money. So big a basin of cold water.
Look for the house, move, sweep, all should be finished by oneself, this is a too strange city, even have no friend, fall down by oneself after all things are settled, too tired, fortunately still hope in the heart. Begin, assign, let the light nest try hard with family feeling, say wife to oneself and indifference of family only and tall and erectly diligently, put forth effort to make a comfortable temporary dwelling place for him.
Lose the job, in a state of anxiety to know all day, I begin, write, give various magazine write various story that sensationalize every day, give the advertising agency a part-time job composition case, busy for such a few years, it was time that had a rest too. The place sparrow although little and the five internal organs available fortunately, far university to some extent of place non-, can often go to breathe the fresh air, there is a public library nearby, can read while drinking coffee, life can be regarded as comfortable, just expect too long.
I collect and belong to that tall and erect city materials and picture, have seen those pressing the place of his footprint, often weep buckets. That city not belonging to I, that person that I love, all of a sudden there is a kind of strange fear. Being destined is a pessimistic person, is listening to his breath, in the place that can not touched. The a little hearts one is getting garrulous. I know how long still can be supported, allow oneself to wither in boundless miss. I do not know it is the end that how long, how long wait
Tall and erect to can come, see I once in a while, accompany me write together, listen to the music, read, play ball, turn in old street just, eat various local delicacies. Eat the snacks and see the video disc together in the evening, or lie in bed telling a story. I like the tall and erect arms, safe, make warm. He falls asleep patting me in this way, never infringes.
Some emotion can by surmounting the human body in time, I believe. With the pureness tall and erect together, with extraordinary heart, sometimes, I even thought, we were a person at all, alternatively, it is a person that kissed more yet than the relative.
When together, will always draw my hands tall and erectly.
While separating, should linger on on the net every day. Tall and erect to call me every day, one sometimes, several sometimes, see good article take, read for me too, or only a gentle greeting and anxious, I feel rich.
The sound in the telephone when I like tall and erect and tipsily, gentle, magnetic, he will call you the treasure, will say I love you, all these are what our institute can’t have when he wakes up.
Remind friends of me tall and erectly, it is proud to be full of, he says she is a girl of a very clever and efficacious air, then, I have known tall and erect good friends had, bicker and chat on the phone, some comfort that I think more or less that this lets, is not tried to cover up by blue woman of ice this tall and erectly after all.
Just, such a day can’t be permanent, because you expect to some extent. Because reality can’t be glossed over.
I know, like that kind of classical beauty tall and erectly, and I, do not belong to that category, I have an eye as cat of face with clearly demarcated raised angle. Tall and erect to say woman of dream to bring tassel ear drop, busy to dress two wounds even at earlobe without end, do not know tall and erectly, been worn two pieces of blood mouth in my heart deeply too, all of us do not know.



Chapter four Meeting by chance on the plateau (1)
The evil spirit Bei Bei does not know what is said, there is sight that has been penetrated over, pierce and familiar with, the heart is flurried. Then, that tall and big man has gone to my side. Smile, say, you have lost me half a dozen beer.
This Bei Bei. And I, fail perfectly willingly.
Leave the city and diverge from the network, do not tell no one, not with saying good-bye to tall and erectly, pray secretly in mind, perhaps one turns round, can say good-bye to all past.
Lijiang is really the place where one make the person fascinated by. The ancient town in early morning, quiet and serene, like the kindly old man, the floor of blue and green stone is thin and smooth instead, the ancient town in the evening, stand up lively like teenager, the playing and singing every night, of luxury and dissipation.
We linger on every corner of the ancient city. Staying and letting the memorial archway pass the inn falling in one, the owner in the inn is two young people, one candid one gentle and quiet, sit cherry tree on little institute often, enjoy a meter of sunshine. So easy and leisurely life, a ideological pollution.
In the daytime, go to the market to buy vegetables to go back and cook with Bei Bei hand in hand like two little girls, or look for a others’ small courtyard of Nahsi and chat to drink tea with the old man of Nahsi, hear some stories not quited understand, then stroll in the street of the ancient city, see everything can’t help buying, or strike it arbitrarily a spell holding DV, dress up beautifully and assemble a crowd and drink again in the evening. That is an old city without the stranger, the passion, with combining quietly and perfect.
Until map there Wang buy one map of ancient city that hand painted next door, the kraft paper presents the thin fragrance. Eat it a bowl of soya beans, see four faces of the street all sides, drink a mouthful of water in Lijiang, look for a one’s own lane, enter a courtyard and stare flankly, pay an official call to a recluse or madman. Bei Bei and I indulge in pleasure and forget home and duty.
Then one day, until floor listen to bird call, meet such two seven eighty years old of old men through the ages, supporting each other with one’s hand, has mounted the floor through the ages. The hoary-headed feeling is long, the granny says, 30 years ago, we say that will come to Lijiang together, had not really set foot on this stretch of land up to now, though can’t go to the jokul of Merret, but I am very satisfied. The figure seeing their hand lead to set about nestling each other is distracted for a moment in the heart. Originally, the small soldier said, free, we must go to Lijiang to stay for several months, see jokul drinking tea that the snow water washed, he says, that is a lover’s world. The ice is blue, that is our world, previous existence, we must live there. Then, Lijiang is turned into a mythology of mine, do not dare to touch easily.
The ice is blue! Bei Bei buy bracelet of silver of a Tibet for me, there are ice blue gems above, a bit more happy!
The bracelet is rowed to hands because of carelessness, I wail. People are sad can look for a reason to come down in torrents at will originally. Since for a long time, has not flowed through the tears in this way, even if when leaving the small ice, I am bearing and has not fallen down a drop of tears either.
Even reached Lijiang originally, the ones that can’t be forgotten could not be still forgotten.
Nightfall, quietly, hear the cry of the insect in the courtyard, there is no TV, there are no books and newspapers, we have already been isolated with the external world. The host has steeped the Pu’er tea plucked newly, tea is fragrant and pleasant. Picked up the mobile phone, suddenly wanted to tell tall and erectly, I am drinking tea that the snow water is being made now, can far see the dark outline of the jokul at night.
Suddenly, receive tall and erect message of sending, ice blue, I Lijiang has no bar now, suddenly remembered you in the lively loneliness. OK in these days?
Frightened. This is that the so-called heart has magic horns is it possible that.
A lot of things, once coincidence, feel the God’s will.
Draw Bei Bei, rush to the bar. Scrutinize oneself from the mirror, beautiful wan and sallowly. We evil spirit, Bei Bei say ice blue, we it is fair maiden for surface not to seem, but the evil spirit at heart.
Yes, I am an evil spirit, who am I afraid? Who can injure the evil spirit? Which Sun Wukong is there in the world?
There is no bar, lively and outstanding.
Take a seat on most striking position, put to good use, get up evil spirit insolent. Beer, the expression in one’s eyes, hollow, the fan is haphazard, and I am incomparably sober, scurry, has fallen on the body of a man in the corner in four travel around place of sight, and he, it happened that has caught my expression in one’s eyes. Hit at one time, yes, say tall and erectly, we once had evil reason of previous existence, this eye, I have recognized him. Clean man, sit quietly, innate expensive air, but have a pair of eyes disillusioned with the mortal world, yes, think at one glance this man has a kind of Buddha nature on one’s body, cool stability, but does not belong to such night.
Bei Bei, has seen? That man. If you can guide and speak him, I lose you a dozen beer.
Bei Bei snigger, getting good, little girl, insightful very.
Then, having gone over spraining the small waist, this evil spirit.
The evil spirit Bei Bei does not know what is said, there is sight that has been penetrated over, pierce and familiar with, the heart is flurried. Then, that tall and big man has gone to my side. Smile, say, you have lost me half a dozen beer.
This Bei Bei. And I, fail perfectly willingly.
A long time come, enjoy oneself to heart’s content like this for the first time, have, admit the man, it is the type that I like.
The talk of each word a gem, even if there are no speeches, bathe in the spring breeze.
At only this night, break up, relieve oneself to the limit. I know he is tall and erect, to will go every night is not so tall and erect as that of the bar.
In tipsy, say tall and erectly, I know you, right? The expression in one’s eyes is made incomparably warm. Such a man, will not cover up one’s own expression in one’s eyes only when making drunk.
I smile in silence. Tall and erect, met you this life, it is enough. Can’t tell you who I am, it has one’s own principles too, the more important thing is that the ice is blue, perhaps the man because of you, will lose the principle, can’t bear, can only turn round.



{November 6, 2008}   Chapter two Sad sunshine (5)

Chapter two Sad sunshine (5)
Small boat, I am sorry.
Su Yang can love Bei Bei, why can not you fall in love with me? Both hands of small boat are pulling my face. I do not dare to face up to, he.
Because I am not Su Yang, you are not Bei Bei.
So fair? The ice is blue.
I do not need the justice, so long as Bei Bei is happy. Small boat, you did not understand.
I drink, write, run away all want and course that Yang went together Su still.
Small boat will come, look for I, he say I move you on the heart forever. I can see that he is in pain, just as he clearly sees my agony.
The ice is blue, Su Yang says, if you do not like the small boat, a bit farther from him. Bei Bei is said cruelly.
Why did he chide me? What thing do I imprison him with little boat? Can not control oneself after all.
What ice is blue for you, why speak in this way? This is good for you too, Xiao Zhou is Su Yang’s best friend, you are my best friend.
It doesn’t matter, Bei Bei, I am sorry. I no longer speak.
The little boat says you drink everyday, the ice is blue, what happened to you on earth?
You listen to him talking nonsense.
Bei Bei look at I, say with very light light sound very, tell me whether do you like Su Yang?
Panic of that room very short time. I smile suddenly, make Bei shoulder of Bei, it is to be, little kind you, thought everyone will like that big bean sprouts and vegetables of Su Yang.
At but expression in one’s eyes when it is since Bei Bei, know I. The more one tries to hide,the more one is exposed, sensitive like Bei Bei, know I have already understood like Bei Bei.
The campus in autumn, the sad fragrance that the sweet-scented osmanthus fills the air in the air.
Dormitory downstairs, I hear Su north hoarse voice.
Bei Bei, why should be like this? You give me a reason.
The indifference of Bei Bei one’s face, nothing is said.
Bei Bei, you do not behave like this, I am shaking her.
How am I? The ice is blue, you do not know, he is specially weak. I know, under the performance that Bei Bei does not matter, that heart has been already incoherent.
Bei Bei, are you uncalled-for?
As a child, there was an apple, we have been never willing to to eat, did not want two people to gather you together and bite me to bite. There is planned number of a recommendation for admission to school in the class at in Senior Three, we have let too to let, gave to others finally, we are happy to struggle together. Now, take turns the emotion.
The ice is blue, you know, if not so, I will not feel happy.
Half a year later, Su Yang went to U.S.A., has not said good-bye. The small boat says, all of us have been injured, all of us have no fault.
Bei Bei and I begin to never leave each other again, have not fallen in love again until graduating, have not mentioned Su Yang again either.
That section of happy and sad time.



{November 6, 2008}   Chapter two Sad sunshine (2)

Chapter two Sad sunshine (2)
It is really an unreasonable thing to meet. Time solidifies in the twinkling of an eye. The boy has caught my car steadily, the book falls scattered in a place. What a tall and big boy, have limpid looks like children, is looking at me definitely. Anything is melted in the twinkling of an eye in the heart, slowly, warm.
Do you believe that fall in love at first sight? I know you do not believe, I do not originally believe either.
The staring of ten seconds, I feel the temperature on one’s own face.
Have not bumped against you?
He shakes the head with a smile.
Eh, walk a bit more carefully later. If It’s nothing I have left first, is catching! I look like the child of a worry of seeing through, flee in panic.
His pleasant voice comes behind, the ice is blue, don’t ride so fast!
I am frightened. This one thinks better of, so far that the car goes out again.
In this way, the ice is blue to meet Su Yang. In season in early spring, the flower in the heart is in full bloom secretly. I know, we will also meet. Because I am that the ice is blue.
If really system engineering in the lesson, meet and then north Su, we were a disciple of the fellow disciple originally.
A class is not first-class, grow grass in my heart, flurried, pleasantly surprised, there is getting timid the earth’s core like spirits.
There is no courage to speak with him, even have no courage to look him in the eye, it is unexpectedly in the face of one’s own heart cowardly like then that the ice that ever it is afraid afraiding is blue, it is one’s own to titter.
With belong to one institute in a different one, when the loud 2, nearly have a class that will go together with Su Yang every day. Sit into a diagonal obliquly and obliquly, sweep stealthily with eyes, avoid under the other side’s sight quickly, found out and blushed like attention.
Su Yang is that kind of reticent man, non- handsome, but tall and big, have childish and limpid expression in one’s eyes, let you feel warm and safe. One day, sit behind him, felt very near, is watching the cheek after his side, the light and light greenish blue one leaves the cheek moustache stubble, full of fancies. Su Yang’s pen has no ink, asks whether classmates nearby have black pens, everybody does not have, I have, but I do not dare to stretch out hands, whole class, hold pens, the struggle of tossing about in bed, until losing the chance.
0S h i n i a nS H I N I A N0 sad sunshine is carrying a secret like this in ten years, just the fox of the love such as that inside of ” little prince “, hoping for next one day every day, sound with the voice of the little fox in one’s ear, “first of all, you must be a bit farther from me, that’s settled, far sit on the lawn over there, I use canthus look sidelong at you ceaselessly, at this moment, you nothing say. The speech may result in misunderstanding, then, you can be in order to near to me day by day   ” “For example you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, since three o’clock, I have begun to feel very happy, having arrived at four o’clock, I will be fidgety, I found happy value. ” Yes, I will have fidgety then carving every day, the little lovely fox, he comes to like the color of the wheat field because of liking the little prince, and I, come to like the boring system engineering lesson because of coming to like a person.
Bei Bei still often twines to stay with me with each other.
The girl has a radiant face, whether think in spring?
Think of your stature!
This is secret I have not told Bei Bei, this shares all girls with me. I say to oneself, let second people know, become secret no longer just secretly, do not have again tiny and happy the secret one. Till now, I just know, originally, I was fearing something.
In so young years, it is simple happiness and sorrow without rhyme or reason.
It is end soon, will review and become nervous, Bei Bei and I no longer twine sillily everyday, put study individually, can come dormitory look for Iing on being just late, report situation each other, so as not to purposely cause complication, seem to be buckled a large green cap by the other side once being not careful. The dormitory of Bei Bei is my upstairs.
I wonder if it is I that have the intention, he has the intention, fix and study individually on a certain classroom with Su Yang tacitly. Do not speak very much, pay close attention to each other quietly. I cough, Su Yang will shut the window of the classroom, so careful a man. And I turn on window one angle often, from the angle, glass can mirror Su male genital posture study, and his eyes at the time of looking at me behind.
Bei Bei appeared suddenly, it was sunny in a classroom, attracted all eyeballs.
Wife, I am damnable, I am lazy, I have no seat, give material assistance to me.
I am awkward. Leave it with dormitory Arine’s seat nearby. Bei Bei has been pouted the mouth.
Stand up, want, let, give Bei Bei seat, oneself go, see where can rub reach place and then, the later sound of body, sit here, another seat. Su Yang picks up the schoolbag around.
I see Bei Bei glimmering on the sight, should come or can come. I understand Bei Bei very much.
Confess honestly, when to also live with the young wife in a plush apartment?
Talk nonsense something, though take away and enjoy.
Really? Then Obedience is better than politeness!
Really, the old man that this young lady likes the possessing both wealth looks.
Laughing in the mouth, the dark deep sorrow in the heart.
From then on, Bei Bei joined the ranks that we studied individually too.
Wife, do you say he will like me?
Certainly know.
Then why has not he expressed?
Some people are not good at expressing. Constant effort yields sure success, it is good result to be eager for quick success.
The bottom of heart is sad and dreary for a moment, the surface is unmoved, why is Bei Bei?
I begin to look for various reasons to go to the library to study individually. There are some final results, in any case, I am unable to face.



{November 6, 2008}   Chapter one Meet again (1)

Chapter one Meet again (1)
Do you ask I believe the love? Do you think so? The love is of poisonous weeds, it is beyond the control of you and believe, take root, spread, rotten, poison a lot of persons defying the law to death. We are not greedy, we are just too hungry, drink Shu and quench the thirst. Black long skirt flies to scatter in the wind, it is a bit cool on day in early autumn, I see Xiao Cheng, it is still a pair of so bright eyes, pure, let people think of the pool water in the remote mountains.
It is an accident with Xiao Cheng’s reunion. Draw, come out, breathe heavily as him half drunk me thick air lean against the wall in Yesterday, say to me: “Is the ice blue, is you? ” I have hit one coldly and quiverly sometimes. Ice blue, how remote memory, at this moment I call Jing Wen, one strange and well-behaved name, in a strange city, are doing the thing of strange and don’t duty. Nobody knows who I am, I and previous life have broken off everything and got in touch, such life lets me feel safe. Hide by day and come out at night, in the daytime, I am a quiet and lonely cat, yes, I dislike cats this kind of animal, it lets me think gloomily, but someone once said to me, you looked like a cat very much, even expression picture. I unable to imagine oneself make cat what like it is at the expression of kind, but now, I thought I have really become a cat, cold and detached, gloomily, perhaps there are nine lives. I roll up, into room, watch Lars Du oneself, watch spring tree at the village, watch Ba Jin Lao She and the Four Books and the Five Classics too, it is one of the interests that I am few to read, another interest, just smoke, like seeing cigarettes to rise then fly away slowly before eyes, just like life, so changeable, disappear in a flash too after all, certainly, another reason, just cherish the memory of. Since afternoon, smoke, read, will foot walks up and down in the room only in mood agitated morning in I, drink, freeze ice-cold water large while being large, convulsion once again to wait for stomach, will forget in the middle school of the agony. This of one living room and one sitting room room, full of book and magazine in the room, in disorder, but I have a slight clean addiction, so, a thing done every day is to wipe the ground, bit by bit, wipe the suds, then the smooth foot is dancing above, always enjoy. At night, I am that the cigarette look at the charming woman competently, wear the black hanging strip, pale face, appear in the bars of the streets and lanes, no, please don’t suspect, I have decent incomes, make a living in one yard of words. I write pale fragile characters, write popular decadence of city, write this generation of young man’s rotten life in city. Dare, show person knowing characters of me, they so hard to tear soul of me ice-cold, regard agony as the bottom to line with, let people feel the despair appeared at heart.
The young girl’s song comes in one’s ear.
I think I will be lonely, lifetime will be so lonely.
I think I will have been lonely all the time, so lonely all one’s life.
The bright bluer the sky is, afraid of resuming looks.
The more satisfactory the film is, the more sentimental feel.
Please don’t suspect your song, it can bring happiness to me. Happiness is luxurious to a lot of people, we can not afford to consume. Do you ask I believe the love? Do you think so? The love is of poisonous weeds, it is beyond the control of you and believe, take root, spread, rotten or not, poison a lot of persons defying the law to death. We are not greedy, we are just too hungry, drink Shu and quench the thirst. Black long skirt flies to scatter in the wind, it is a bit cool on day in early autumn, I see Xiao Cheng, it is still a pair of so bright eyes, pure, let people think of the pool water in the remote mountains.
“Let’s dance. ” I danced in the wind, the looks were circulated, has gathered people around us, I know, oneself is still beautiful, though, I have been already no longer young.
The tear, hurt and wronged, accumulates strongly fragrantly, come down in torrents and appear under this young gaze. Xiao Cheng, I did not think we would met again.
Meet and succeed desolately each time, are all that I feel awkward moment most. Just now desolate to become, rely that piece look gather, come over, splash one wine fat person at face beat, translate in place me, I thought one’s own one had dim eyesight. What a face known well, let me get back to the times when want to forget.
With the meeting firstly of Xiao Cheng, it is in H large campus. At that time, I give up honourable work for so-called love, toss about in bed, come these city, say to me if you can close to me a bit, that better, I can experience breath of you only and tall and erectly.
At noon in early summer, the sun has already been sinister, with so tall and erect as to make a noise some mood on the phone, feel uneasy really, are all depressing breath everywhere in the room. Life wonders when is ceaselessly waiting at the beginning, and the big silence of section, I begin to get drunk, that kind of liquid letting persons forget vexation temporarily is red, the blood is general.
It is H big and not far from my cabin, will go to there to take a walk once in a while, is looking at the smiling face wantonly of those children, so simple happiness, then infected. Sit there for one afternoon sometimes, that is the time remembering. I think, I am old; Alternatively, I am unhappy. Will often remember for that period of happy days in the campus when being unhappy, make people old and feeble too early unhappily.
Classmates, do we seem to meet?
The tone of hesitating, clumsy opening remarks. Then, I have seen a pair of limpid and bright pupils, just like Su Yang of that year.
I smile. It seems.
He does not have the defense sector at all either openingly, what a clear smile, it is very good to be young.
My name is Xiao Cheng. And you?
The ice is blue.
The ice is blue, blue ice, pleasant name, but and you are incongruous, you should be happy.
I smile. 26 years old, encounter a grieved love, is involved in ceaselessly wait again, the ice is blue, can you be happy?
Xiao Cheng, it is a lot of years since I have already graduated, willing, you can call me an elder sister.



et cetera