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{November 6, 2008}   Chapter six Flower (3) of pessimism

Chapter six Flower (3) of pessimism
I knew at last which kind man I liked, they all had a firm expression in one’s eyes, and the composure posture of taking a tense situation calmly.
And tall and erect, be messy in the heart? I do not know. The ones that have not just thought of as hitting while meeting by the acquaintance oneself are bold and assured.
Bei Bei is said, you violate the ethical one like this, the other person should be condemned forever.
I carry back with perfect assurance at all times, but do not have emotion but that unwilling to make way for is a real third party just now.
But, why will I think that have a guilty conscience?
I think, I will suffer retribution, sure.
That boy is good, he likes you. See me smiling tall and erectly.
Are you jealous? I am bantered on purpose tall and erectly.
How can. Smile tall and erectly.
Yes, how? Then what I really can be regarded as? It can not even be jealous to me to be tall and erect. Pain in the heart bluntly and bluntly, the language is getting sharp immediately.
I know, begin to think me impervious to reason tall and erectly.
Xiao Cheng stops up me the rim of the mouth of a bottle, etc. to fit the cap of the lane, is because of him? You because of him?
Xiao Cheng, where am I unhappy?
The ice is blue, you can deceive me, can defraud of one’s own heart?
Xiao Cheng, in fact you are wrong, it is luxurious to me to be happy, it is only with him, I will have transient happiness, though perhaps will regard long-time agony as the cost.
Ice blue, in fact a lot of things just because it belong to you or unable to belong to you you can think it to be precious, will hope to have even more, but does it really suit you?
I think he is the only companion of my soul, even if we can not be together, even if we have too much difference, even if he has many shortcomings, but he is the people entering into only my soul, he lets me think oneself not lonely any more, his every sentences have function of calming soul for me, he is that kind even if let me far look, my content with one’s lot person.
The ice is blue, you look at me. Cheng Xiao pull shoulder of me, I tell you whether people only in companion of soul, just it is difficult to ask. You should understand, even if you ask nothing, will bring the disaster to his life.
I have seen and loved in Xiao Cheng’s eyes.
In life, full of disasters, and I am the star of calamity, I brought the disaster in various degree to the people around. Alternatively, I shouldn’t exist at all. And I, there are cat’s generally hard lives, perhaps, I shouldn’t fall in love with anyone, shouldn’t let anyone fall in love with me either. I only offer as a gift to fall to an evil spirit of this world.
It is twelve o’clock at mid-night to receive the tall and erect telephone, I am passing through the more than half cities on the last bus, tall and erect and drunk, to sob whom I hear his Chaos on the phone, he says, the ice is blue, I miss you very much, think you are the more lonely. I say, tall and erect, have a rest obediently, the wine will be never solving medicines of spirit. Too noisy on the car, hear the sound not clear and tall and erect, just anxious.
Not dialing the tall and erect telephone until after home, this is the first time to put through that number, if night is too deep, if not the tall and erect drunk language upsets me, perhaps I will never put through that number, the following thing should be unable to just happen so.
After the ring tones has been loud for a long time, I hear a sound, very gentle female voice. Alarm in a flash, put down the telephone, I can face the she with perfect assurance.
For a long time, tall and erect to come on, think I. This city, a kind of disease prevails, it is lonely to be called. I, just like an impatient lion, the neighbour’s TV is loud, I can not fall asleep, write out things either, some cigarette only, stroll about in room, finally, fall in wall ruthlessly pillow.
Calling tall and erectly, I have one’s face covered with tears.
Then, as soon as I see tall and erectly, I flee on his body rubing. This man, he can’t bear to make me sad, no?
I am only one and has been pulled out the lion of nail and tooth, outwardly strong but inwardly weak, all selfprotectionist actions are just a kind of posture, collapse at the first blow.
It was I who am clever when the beginning that liked tall and erectly, but now, I sting, let him pain all over the body, the distance does not have.
Nightfall, curled up on the bed, said tall and erectly:
She knows I see you.
Did you tell her?
Have not spoken tall and erectly.
I know, it is a person who will not lie to be tall and erect, I have been believing all the time that tall and erect to every sentence which I said. How does she say?
She says she has already lost one’s own favorite, has hoped I can get hold of my emotion.
Then what?
Then she has cried for one night. Taking daughter to Zhouzhuang by oneself the next day, she said she wanted to begin to be learning to live independently. I even begin to hesitate, but the end, I have come, have come to your place.
I see tall and erect agony and can’t bear, and I, anything can’t say a burst of nose miserable.
Begin to remind me of his wife tall and erectly, very usual love in that days of once, get married, there is no too much passion, but there is too much responsibility. But I have seen detailed and detailed tenderness in tall and erect memory. My heart began pain, but hung smiling on the face.
Say tall and erectly, she is a very kindhearted woman who has the scheming, so-so, there are a lot of small habits like you, but a very classical woman, speak very polite on foot, either very radiant with joy, pieces of person that hold back very much in a word. She once saw a beggar at the gate of company, had also specially bought a steamed bun for that beggar, as a result is chased by a group of beggars into the company. Muddleheaded from morning till night, she falls asleep if you speak with her. Say tall and erect and silently, I hear silently. The tear drops silently, does not allow seeing tall and erectly.


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