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{April 29, 2009}   Delicate love realm

–Delicate love realm in ” fragrant jade ” that ” spoil Na “
Numerous love story in the ” Liaozhai “, follow begin with ” the Book of Songs ” love mode basically, with ” imprison Ju lovely lady ” as representative “, fit bride for our lord ” Love of marriage,and it is the represented by ” Jian Jia ” ” whether shes so-called, at water one party ” Ideal it love. The former take unique major part, (however, ” fair maiden ” Have replaced into fox and spirit, become the voluntarily aggressive party) . Compatriots’ concern to descendant, has already become a fact into a kind of religious complex, it is most outstanding to wait for one to behave in ” spends aunt’s son ” ” Nie XiaoQian “, the concern go beyond concern in love far (would rather adopt official determine to marry Nie XiaoQian finally, must pass mother’s hosting; And mother agrees to the marriage wedding, it is Nie little Qian that has removed her doubt about the descendant. ” colored aunt’s son ” must want to add too finally ” Send the son off ” Tail) . And the one that is most close to love of taking the place of is complicated and delicate, ” spoiling Na ” and ” fragrant jade “.
The subject matter of ” spoiling Na ” and ” fragrant jade ” is easy to fall into ” Pretty young woman emperor female Great Britain ” Vulgar adjust: Beginning from shut after all, one 2 woman, reunion until old. Pu Songling’s outstanding place, narrate the unexpected simplified love mode of break-through under the restriction of the language in the tradition.
1 is delayed and expected – -” receive soul and ” Better than particularly ” Reverse the clothes “
While ” spoiling Na “, the hole snow large bamboo or straw hat with a conical crown and broad brim marries loose mother finally, but the real woman protagonist spoils Na. Hole snow large bamboo or straw hat with a conical crown and broad brim and relation of spoiling Na are stopped to relatives and friends. Grow a cloud yellowly: “Fragrant jade I love wife, deep red even beneficial friend, I of snow. ” This is very noteworthy.
So-called the ancient one ” The feudal order ” ,Used for regulating interpersonal relationships. ” the father and son kiss, the monarch and his subjects have justice, married couple are different, chat long and young, the friend has letters ” . In five human relations, four preceding human relations relate to social estate system of the patriarchal clan system, in other words, one makes a reservation inferiorly. There is a human relations of friend alone, can be regarded as ” the brother ” The extension that is concerned, but set up on equal footing. Link it together, not blood relationship and marriage relation, but to common ” say ” Pursuit. Persons who sing the same song, start to call ” the friend ” . The friend’s foundation is the morality and justice and faithful and honest, ” there is no point on people taking counsel together who follow different ways ” . The Confucianists’ way to friend, pay much attention to.
But ” the friend’s way ” ,Only limited to men. First, since women’s intelligence and ability are lower than men, can not be equal and crossing naturally(among women, too only ” Accompany ” But not ” friend ” ). Second, men and women big to prevent from, be unable to go beyond. Even among the relatives, should defend sedulously being unoccupied. But Pu Songling has proposed clearly different charges in nature can be done ” The beneficial friend ” ,It can’t but be special.
This kind of friendship, is based on attraction of sex at first. In the novel ” LanXiang Lin “, Lang Geng in the face of to advise, warn minister, dream of swallow, with ” minister and I name although Mr. and Mrs. Qing Dynasty, real and friend ” Come to stall off, here, a word of friend, does not praise to her character, but denying to her women’s glamour. And the target that the hole snow large bamboo or straw hat with a conical crown and broad brim courts at first spoilt Na, it was the beauty which spoils Na that attracted him, it’s a pity that it is married to spoil Na, keep sorry in vain. The Nas meet with the serious disaster until spoiling, the hole snow large bamboo or straw hat with a conical crown and broad brim comes out boldly to rescue, two people’s emotion has got distillation. It is close to deep red snow out of taking in a pair of beautiful psychology concurrently that it is grown at first that yellow, until fragrant jade being confronted by danger, he and in lose bitterly lover and friend sympathize with while cherishing deep red snow, have just reached the tacit understanding.
” spoil Na ” ” fragrant jade ” behaves, instead of lie between ” the friendship ” With ” love ” During emotion,it might as well say it is it is modern almost ” love ” of idea . This kind of ” friendship ” Not obliterating other characteristics, but emphasize the characteristic of the sex, the properties that but spirit adores, do not indulge in carnal desire, even does not regard marriage as the ultimate goal. Ending Pu Songling comments to like this ” spoiling Na “: “I grow in the hole, do not admire its gaudy wife, but admire it and have intimates. Watch it to hold and can forget hungrily, listening to its sound can be solved and kept fit. Need by beneficial friend this,when discuss by dinner,’ show appearance and give soul to ‘, better than ‘ reverse clothes ‘ particularly. “
Why ” The friendship ” More attractive than the marriage? The traditional marriage is Israel ” The gift ” Form acknowledge legitimacy cohabit,meet what the family extends’ needs Israel, let’s say so simply, it is the breeding of the life of presenting parents with respect. The personal feeling is not taken into account. So it has lacked essential favouring of love – -Response – -An important link in the course combined: Pursue it until having mutual affinity. This has undoubtedly reduced the glamour of the marriage greatly. As to this, the solution is: In the family, worship the status of the legal wife, supplement with the concubine Ying, make need and personal need of the family both as compromising. But the concubine often comes from the poor family, bring up scarcely, can bear ” want ” But it is difficult to be regard as ” Love ” Target. Then one kind does not conform to ” The gift ” But legal supplementary way, that is a prostitute. Senior prostitute cross strict intelligence and art train, beautiful qualified to become target that adored romantic, it needs to cost suitable money, time and energy to court them, say, they have satisfied male searching to ” love ” in a certain meaning Need. Therefore can understand why chant the amount of quantity of works of the prostitute in successive dynasties, quality is high, far exceed chanting couple’s life. ” show appearance and give soul to ” Promise but not finish, expect but not satisfied, it is the delaying limitlessly of sexual intercourse, it is the eternity in the summit that wants towards the love that is climbed, so is the most glamorous.



{March 26, 2009}   you say Zheng slit son

Ge ZhanShui: “It is that Zheng, give up half a front tooth. ”
Shen ShuangFu: “Oh, you say Zheng slit son, let me turn on, lose early, he a thing in mother, drink wolf’s milk and grow up, I am delicious and easy to feed to him drinking, bite me conversely. You must not touch on him only lightly, are stained with you and can not get rid of, just like a leech, the life or death should all suck your blood. I blind, believe he, tumble half train – -Well, you ask he does, what happened? ”
Ge ZhanShui feels that falls into a well-designed trap by oneself, one inch subsides down. He has remembered the businessmen in Guangdong of that horizontal corpse street, remembers the fee brother, remember pieces of sheath that oneself wove these years, will hang on the tree by oneself finally. He is staring at Shen ShuangFu, but what are not thought of, this fellow has already eluted oneself clean.
After Ge ZhanShui leaves, Lu Ping drives the car to by Shen ShuangFu’s body slowly, she wears a piece of sunglasses, seem very mysterious.
ShuangFu Shen sigh to duckweed Lu: “I depend on, how experienced pairs of look this it will be you brother-in-law, get a thorough understanding you how is sister with whom him pass these years really. ”
Lu Ping says: “Seeing the appearance that he left just now, I really felt bad, a pair of good fortune, we were too a bit more malicious, he has done me much favor after all, say good-bye to my sister, it is not his fault. ”
Shen ShuangFu says: “Do not be soft-hearted, this is not the school, Ge ZhanShui does not make a wrong student, do not you think he really knows who did this? If we relax one’s efforts now, let him become better, will not tell the love to you. We are for example in the battle field now, your bullet has been typed, if does not overthrow the other side, the consequence is too ghastly to contemplate. To be fair, he Ge take water why city make lots of money every day in Jingjiang, exercise magic powers, I have wanted to kill him for a long time, can not find the excuse all the time. Having caught his seven inches this time, then there is a reason that goes all out. ”
Lu Ping stunned way: “Do you help my sister to give vent to anger on earth? Have ulterior motives, seek profit for yourself? ”
Shen ShuangFu smiles strangely cheating: “Certainly helping your elder sister, I am just a sink service charge by the way. ”
Ge see water treasure Su lotus that leaf float pile little window of fine hair in in the air, the air current with warm one share climbs to the scalp from the back. He liberate way rent rooms of two room for her, can she life or death go, live in. Gradually, he has produced the emotion to here too, here is just like a rest garden far away from hubbub, let him remember and feel and make warm at any time.
Undergo pond, Ge bend over ink. Su BaoLian is afraid one slips away back from the driving school loyally, agree on him, if he is not at home, she puts the wooden wooden dipper into pond. Once the torrential rain falls suddenly, the rainwater washed away the wooden wooden dipper after overflowing the pond. He rushes not to see wooden wooden dipper have to rotate back. Knew the truth the next day, made him sad and sorry in long time. The mobile phone of his buying for her department, says connectedly and conveniently like this, but she does not still want. She does not have any materialist attempt to him, this is that she is different to any woman having illict sexual relations with him.
Ge ZhanShui wears the wooden wooden dipper on the head, has struck for two times gently. He does not dare to be afraid of waking children loudly.
Jiangsu treasure lotus is asked while making tea: “That is to say, is the premonition of the high mirror true? ”
Ge ZhanShui: “The premonition of the high mirror? What premonitions she has, tells me, I have not still really found out, she or a wizard? ”
Su BaoLian: “High mirror say Chu beautiful China resign, manager Li disappear too, plum Liu cat come out indoor even, it is estimated that our supermarket has met accident. I see your expression today, her premonition can not go wrong. ”
Ge ZhanShui has thrown the mouth: “Did I still really think she was a wizard? It is just a witch. Some things have happened in the supermarket, but and her wording has absolutely nothing to do with each other. ”
The startled way of the lotus that Su is precious: “Really meet accident? Really what has appeared? ”
“Don’t propose this again, I bored much, it is angry to just go to your place to breathe! ”
Treasure lotus utter a sound no longer, silence a moment later, can’t forbid, ask also: “Is not the thing big? ”
“Not big, but been deceived, which a million to compensate. ”
“Oh, odd one hundred let it be, not worth being disturbing. ” Su BaoLian is several hundred for several million tins once.
“If several hundred will be better, which one hundred yuan it is 10,000, otherwise can I be disturbing? ”
“It! Which a million? Is not this killing? ”
Look at Su treasure lotus alarmed appearance, ZhanShui Ge smile instead, continue, say: “Not only sustaining economic losses, will suspend business to bring up to standard, you needn’t go to work. ”
Su BaoLian is more alarmed: “Does not go to work, what do we eat? ”
“What is this anxious, have I, let you hungry belly? ”



{February 12, 2009}   I cite the little

I cite the little example of a designer’s image, I begin to be sent from grade five of primary school to the amateurish training class of Central Academy of Fine Arts and learnt to paint, it was 15 to stay in that environment, brought up into a image of a young and wildly arrogant artistic school graduate naturally, worship the sloven such as Bill and Gates and Stiven and Jobs, follow restricted to one pattern recreation wear style clothes, Hou I believe ” to could lie in appearance really people at that time, on the brain ” . I, in bringing the patch jeans, printing the T-shirt of the human skeleton head, major part leather shoes, wearing the fluffy and disorderly long hair loosely I think one’s own unique trend of resisting is full of rebelling against the decorating of the personality again, reflecting that has unique creative thought and ability oneself. But I did not find the decent job to 1996 when graduating from 1992, I imputed all the adverse circumstance to the society the inequity to the new young man was treated. Fortunately was called later ” The anger accommodates the station bluely and greenly ” Advertising for trade,provide for me each shelter oneself for place of life.

And really change the incident of my idea and happen in 2003 and SOM (international top design office, designers of the building of world Three Tenors) Beijing about triumphant morning design of square at the roundtable conference one that designing institute hold together. SOM come attend a meeting world design master first 6 people that Adrian D Smith lead design the group at that time, the leather shoes of their every suit, hair are neat, the skin is bright and clean and moist, the style of conversation is graceful and humorous, participating in the conference Chinese building designer every hair fluffy and disorderly, confusion of wearing clothes of institute, unexpectedly the shoulder can see the dandruff, excited while making a speech, the language is dull, logic is confused.

The enormous contrast and visual contrast, let me begin to realize the importance to a designer of image at the moment. Will charge the office of design charges of 5 million dollars soon in a concept, was such elegance originally, because this is a game rule. This lets me remember that once laughed at Chen Yifei to the story in suit of U.S.A. in the domestic art circles at the end of the eighties, it is at that time seem Hou think there aren’t artist, is it ignorant really in fact on. The locality where the western gallery gather, none is not in the rich person district such as central street of New York, holy James street of London, south green hill of Tokyo Sell the classic or modern in no matter the gallery there, not that a commercial affair is magnificent that there is not one, have one 798 Fan, gallery business too, client the rich, gallery art charitable institution of proletarian. Respect the others’ game rule, it is a shortcut of entering the major market, Mr. Chen Yifei is 20 hundred years before us and understand this reason.



{January 8, 2009}   The sun is three poles high

XiChen Xi, hold back light to make inside but cold feeling, innate your helmet and noble-minded and unwilling to swim with the tide, spoiling the son of innate day   Open eyes slowly, face upward get up hair a little – -The soft hair was stuck on the forehead, has hidden some pupil light laxly, the refined and elegant face is brought tenderness, the shirt which solves two buttons shows the beautiful collar-bone of lines, the whole person is so distinct and soft.
Cannot help, raise one’s hand, comfort, hang down until several in front of volume dark to take place to that, fiddle with gently, hands glide, cover that pair of deep and deep and remote and bright black pupils.
“Xi XiChen. ” I twitter, if admit, can let him settle down, then, ” I love you. ”
Probably last ten seconds, his body is getting stiff, second, leave behind hand of me excitedly, propose me body take in one’s arms, overbearing violent kiss suffocate, suck and pester.
I know, from this moment, some things have changed, perhaps has already changed, since that is genuine, from that sentence ” fits Jie, I love you ” At the beginning, until ” whether 12 enough in year ” At the beginning
Follow-up for yesterday reach, turn into getting frenetic to love not having doubting at all finally, when the Xi time of the mat wants to be out of control, greedy joyous a unreasonable one drown glutton that wipe out like one. Warm blue night can only be occupied.
Will it be early morning next day, dim to hear long bell blow loudly, familiar with music very, dementia for night make me all pooped out, and the sound of disturbing and sleeping peacefully lets me have a headache and stretch out the arm aching and fumble to the short cupboard on one side endlessly especially, pick up the mobile phone and enclose to and push and answer the key straining in the ears.
Lines of strange man stereo get up, ” Elvis, you should forget will it be nine o’clock today meeting have early! ”
In fact my brain is still in half a lethargy state, rub it according to the temple that aches a little, “you are – -“The sound is hoarse.
The other side is obviously distracted, ” Ah! Sorry, sorry, excuse me   That one, mat Xi time gentleman   ”
”   “This words almost make me sober and more than half, unexpectedly has answered the telephone by mistake!
Hesitate room come low and hoarse light laugh behind, glance back, mat Xi time prop up hand rest lower jaw, the sheet in disorder is covering the lower part of the body, the red naked upper part of the body that lures, the damp hair is stuck on the temple, refined to smile, look at I, know whether how long does it wake up.
I frown, pass mobile phone, whom he connect quite sluggish, low slow tone bring Yan magnetism blow, to waste, “I am a Xi time of the mat. ”
There seem what does it speak, corner of the mouth light to raise, ” I have woman to be very much strange at the bed? ” The eyes tip wipes the smile not going.
“The sun is three poles high not to leave the bed   Very good proposition. “



Chapter seven Forget Yu JiangHu (2)
Different from other people tall and erectly, different from the small soldier, he cares about my soul, and my slight and sensitive nerve, say tall and erectly that feels I am his child, and I am used to relying on slowly, reliance on the thought. Does not dare to imagine, if lose him one day, how is my world.
,etc. for answer,it would rather commit suicide to fear ones that pronounce moment.
Forgive me, tall and erect.
The emotion to you has never changed, can’t give you a pressure any more just, let alone see you at the pressure the agony difficult to pass have no way of choosing. In fact, you have already chosen, no?
I closed eyes, did not think everything happened.
Tall and erect, weakness of you, kind-heartedness of you, destine you can promise, can’t bear to injure me for me. Time can with indifferent all perhaps, we will afford to have speech one day perhaps, but I can’t accept.
Would rather fly scattered when being most beautiful, extinction like being unable to accept rottenly.
This is me.
Leave you, when I love you most.
Tall and erect, I understand you, to my drifting apart, I understand your desire speech is still stopped, I understand you see too we in actual life are incompatible. I understand your care of my heart, I understand you are letting me learn to grow up slowly, the society accepts. The society handles affairs and is not amazed by, learn to treat everything with the tolerant heart.
Thank for the Heaven, has let me run into you.
Think this all one’s life, anybody come into my inner world, nobody could understand once. I have been already content with one’s lot.
If can get back to the past. Just, if. The feeling debt of the previous existence, it is essential to repay this life, can not escape.
Because just idealize very much, we can not accept any setbacks.
Just love you, fear the arrival of the final result in anticipating.
Because just mind very much, a careless gesture is enough to let me have one’s face covered with tears.
Sleep piece pitch-dark, I plan to look for a job of eking out a living, people often say, the work can shift people’s attention, is wearing hair dishevelled while searching for on the net, receive a strange telephone.
A strange woman’s voice, soft, taking again some is at a loss and undoubtedly.
The ice is blue, I am a tall and erect wife, I want to see you in your city.
It is a clumsy plot, I do not understand, why does the woman always has too much unwillingness, should always tear the truth of the fact bloodily face-to-face, and I had same curiosity and unwillingness unexpectedly, wipe the face arbitrarily, put pieces of collar out of shape T shirt in, with checkpost being casual to blow top of the head angry hair-curler, hurry to a war without smoke of gunpowder joyfully. See oneself in the mirror, fairly have a radiant face, I know, I am young as the capital.
Go in coffee of island, a woman stands up leisurely, conscientious and meticulous chignon, the cashmere shirt next to the skin sets off out the graceful figure, the meticulous one held and is put, the graceful style of conversation, a kind of calm beauty, I was suddenly a bit angry to oneself, only this at one glance, I know, I fail, this is exactly the woman’s image in tall and erect mind.
Unless look at each other by on the three minute we, have language, who glimmer first,can front lines flurried,suffer defeat I finally, let to be that the spirit is originally insufficient.
The woman smiles, eyes curve the curved moon, but hide the murderous intention.
She says, I know why like you tall and erectly.
I do not believe women can be so tolerant, only say it is she that has invincible assurance, regard this as my comfort correctly.
I smile too, I know why not will not leave you tall and erectly.
Is it a kind of virtue too to dare to give up?
I put down money of coffee, leave away.
Having failed completely, the firmness revealed after it is quiet and tastefully laid out to be defeated by that. Just, I am unreconciled.
Pale face, wrote in the common diary at last:
My dear, does not know it will be the last time and call to you in this way.
I am always asking ceaselessly that ask ceaselessly, in fact you have already given the answer to me, just I would rather close eyes.
Very painful in these days, have thought a lot too.
I can accept a lot of things, but can’t accept a kind of estranged feeling. In fact I understand.
Man hold in here, nothing make, enter. I am the person surviving in one is unable uncertain. Originally cherishing very bright hope, in any case, hopeful in the bottom of heart. But now, it is isolated very much by oneself that think.
Do not want to embarrass you any more. Having understood his feeling originally at last too, you who are present were just as I who am original, uncertain and not promising, not even knowing whether to finally love the other side oneself, but not bear to let go.
Also remember what I has said? I will not love a person not loving me.
One is being formed in my heart all the time, thank you for helping me to open, while going all out, I think, I forgive him from the heart too.
In the love, it is the importance like this to offer each other confidence.
Will go to today in lifetime, only when meeting you, want to want to entrust oneself out very much very much, want to want to have a family which belongs to us very much very much, there is no a bit hesitating. I know, to you, this is a choice, can’t fail. I, but has not given you the confidence to succeed.
Yes, perhaps I am not that one is suitable for the person who becomes the wife, though I want to want to work as a good wife’s good mother very much very much.
Imagination is always bright, and reality always collapses at the first blow.
Our grief lies in, we are only the people of beauty very much, only beautiful is mostly fragile, can’t permit the flaw.
In any case, you are that an only one enter into my person in the heart of hearts, give me a period of so bright time. Once the fragile and bossiness of conniving at me how is it. I have not come round either till now, what kind of debt of feeling we last lifetime store up.



Chapter seven Forget Yu JiangHu (1)
If I can’t live with you, then this is understood, but because understand. Because a others’ one, one’s own true agony at the same time, because of being true painful.
I understand you, just as understand myself, the more as soon as I leave oneself far, I slip into oneself deeply. Sometimes I feel alive except one’s own body, so, I am by you whenever and wherever possible. Use Thai Gore’s a word, hope I will not cause and bear your love, because I choose, love you, want love by unrestrained since. While striking and making this sentence, heart is painful but enjoyable truly.
No longer calling me tall and erectly, I begin to be swayed by considerations of gain or loss. Time blood in the heart, I know everything soon so bad-tempered to but stop.
Can’t fall asleep, do and stare flankly opening eyes. Having put out all lights, open all windows, the sound in the dark wind pleasant to the ear. Like the skirt in sleeping rosily in fresh and cool breath in the wind to stroll about, illusion is turned into a dark rose at night, wait, until the petal one withers. Perhaps only the rose, will sting so as to ache in life. If can’t be beautiful forever, would rather remind that once staying and staying by way of ath pain. I do not give the telephone, just wait, such a relation is originally full of inequality, I’m afraid to bring the trouble to his life.
Every day, have a bath with the cold water, the ice-cold liquid lets me receive transient happiness in the shower nozzle, appear in the brain out the thing in pile, like the flowing water, the flood peak is closed, thinking is bad-tempered too but stopped. Memory degradates terribly, perhaps it is a good thing, just sometimes, when you think about very much what get up, the head will ache.
Tall and erect used to say to me, wanted to go to bed earlier, went to look for him in the dream, but, I who am present, often see the sky turning white slowly, in this way, one day passed by again, do not have his voice. I can what does it speak, everything much less, what I think print in his brain, he will not understand, will understand. Such and such feeling, nobody already can understand. Feel lonely when not meeting, meet, more lonely, so lonely as to go mad.
I begin to be used to remembering, recall all beautiful things, they let me feel happy. A butterfly flies over in front of the window, perhaps it is only the illusion, the butterfly is a life that I like, beautiful, fragile, transient. I like fragile and transient thing beautiful of everything, there are fireworks, perhaps there is love. Remember once doing a psychological test tall and erectly for me, elect one as trade mark from several animals, I have given up butterflies, chose an orangutan at that time, just unwilling to let him see my fragile nerve, that will break out the string broken soon. About all code words of the butterfly, I see. Has chosen the butterfly tall and erectly, I know he will select, a only beautiful and affectionate man. One can be understood to every sound of men of sigh of my. Say tall and erectly, I am that rib that he lost, will ache indistinctly. And I, have already ached and not feel, forgot to ache in even scar. Want to leave a deep seal on his arm very much, wipe that kind not going forever, it can not be ruthless that after all the lower heart will come. The deepest seal stays in heart forever. Say tall and erectly, I carve on his heart with the diary of handle of a knife. My heart is paining gently while saying this words. Did not once think the heart would ached again yet. There is a kind of tacit understanding, became eternity after meeting, or rob forever.
I begin not to speak very much every day, do not phone very much either, except write, see discs, still wait. As soon as the telephone rings each time, the neural texture goes straight over, and all disappointed each time.
Bei Bei is said, the ice is blue, let’s come back quickly, you will be mentally deranged to go down like this.
I, still insisting on, I hear him say to me, the ice is blue, don’t wait in person, otherwise, not to two years yet. Have promised, I will wait.
Xiao Cheng calls. The ice is blue, I have made the stewed sparerib of potato, come to eat quickly.
Xiao Cheng’s sound is young and happy forever, this happy and clean child.
In Xiao Cheng’s attic, I am gluttonous and lazy that one forever. Xiao Cheng always supervises me lots and lots of times, washes hands. Except that hands are also washed by oneself, my inert full play has reached limit, if is all right, itching hands have all been taken away and washed by Xiao Cheng.
I like that attic, warm and comfortable, can see night sky from the skylight, there are stars once in a while.
Sometimes I will see Xiao Cheng painting silently. Sometimes sit on the soft mat in the corner of the wall staring flankly. Like all foot to stroll about in Xiao Cheng’s room, thick wool carpet, the mere foot is stepped on softly, there is not a silk sound, can frighten to one’s own shade, as if in whose heart is on foot.
I say, Xiao Cheng, I like your carpet, in whose heart to walk seem, soft.
Laughing at by desolate achievement, on these lazy kind of yours, who puts you in the heart, that heart will not all become rubbish heaps. I succeeded first to beat chasing desolately suddenly and violently, suddenly remembered the day staying with small soldier, once so happy too, so unrestrained.
The rain has arisen outside, have seen from skylight gone over, it seems to be eyes of the house, are shedding tears ceaselessly. I contract in corner, hear the ” fool quay ” constantly, let lonely to attack, first first. It is the tall and erect in day,I go often because it for Cheng Xiao, I make nothing, fears chilly all day, like waiting to pronounce, and in lonely time, there is miss of letting people suffocate.
Do not see clearly oneself is like already losing, is also like having forever to the tall and erect emotion. It has already been a century body to just turn one’s head.
They say, help each other when both are in humble circumstances, might as well forget Yu JiangHu.
On MSN, I question ceaselessly. And is talking packthread tall and erectly ceaselessly. He no longer says that loves me, no longer.
” the love story of Tokyo ” is put in DVD, Japanese TV play liked very much, it is fragrant to like jasmines, that piece dare child that love, that piece seem child that any other things lie in nothing mind, some for instance, Min Zhao ” rest on it slaughter dragon write “, like knowing what ‘s girl oneself wanting such, but Zhao Min is more fragrant than the jasmine and much luckier, it seems that such a girl is destined to meet the indecisive man that did not know how to refuse, or the play is unable to perform. I seem to understand, if does not want to lose him, only have oneself to break the wrist.



Chapter six Flower (4) of pessimism
While giving birth to the child, she insists on wanting the natural labor, the child is too big, more than 4 kilograms, she insists on, I am so tense as to collapse soon outside the delivery room.
I suddenly thought, left by oneself and will not near this person, left non- near again. There is too much memory which belongs to him, I am unable to replace a lot of things. Paining in the heart pestering, I am unable to reach the emotion which belong to them forever, how I am to hope to have a tall and erect child, belong to our child, it must be clever and beautiful. Know my fondness of the child tall and erectly, when the child that I am keeping watch on others’ home constantly turn round, he often pats my head, looking at me with smile, miss children again? Will have, babies.
Tall and erect to say I think may mistake people I, have small she that used to it regard as you likewise fault sometimes, so we among life no matter how how hard does it coordinate, step lack of half make. No, tall and erect, tall and erect, you have deceived me, have deceived oneself too. You, to her love, perhaps even you yourself have not seen. And I, just one which you can not find on her is compensated, my enthusiasm, mine dares to like daring to hate, some of mine is just the feeling and world outlook the same as you, let you get transient supplement. Perhaps you are only because no matter how much efforts are made, it is unable to change the other side, or unable to make the care that you want, disappointed, perhaps, even retaliate against, just have my appearances, will just have with wife’s talk without mincing words.
Tall and erect while reminding me of her, always use ” the wife ” This call, the slight place, let me get to the bottom of heart coldly, I even think whether he is reminding me. Yes, they are the husband and wife of the first marriage after all, I, who is it?
I watch tall and erect eyes, discover oneself think any emotion originally just silent. I know, I let to feel pressure tall and erectly. He is actually a person who lacks courage, shrink back, it is the only posture that can be adopted. I know, in fact have a decision tall and erectly.
We are a kind of person, even if the emotion is deeper, ice-cold too in eyes.
I am not rather tall and erect, only at his place, I will not be injured, even if he can’t give me any commitment, even if in fact, I have already been injured.
I look tall and erect, quietly, just as see him for the first time, at that time, he sat in the position of the corner of the bar, one are brought the Buddha man, now, just the same as before. Once, I had seen love in his eyes, even written in water, I had already satisfied. Tall and erect ears are very big, big earlobe, the representation that it is said it is a good fortune, he does not like others to touch his ears. I have many to want to say, but does not know how to say, I have much emotion to want to express, wonder how to express, I like tall and erect ears, but I do not dare to feel, I’m afraid to be refused, I do not give others a chance to refuse.
It is tall and erect for me to watch, feel he in go far from me gradually, want, catch he very much, and I can make, just comforting his face, his head. Suddenly went to turn over the head tall and erectly detesting, how many times are told you, don’t touch my head.
All was attacked hurt and wrongedly in mind in a flash, I have resumed the natural instinct of the hedgehog. In front of Zhuo, think I to can unload to lose suit of armour all over, but toppled over in a flash originally. I look tall and erect with ice-cold and unbending sight. Stupefied in such sight tall and erectly, he does not know, one’s own ice would do so bluely originally. Do not know my pain tall and erectly, for an unwarranted commitment, come to a strange city alone; Fear pain is but die-hard to want one child to belong to him; The proud person of air of such mark, hear his criticizing and accepting with a smile too; But tall and erect, you how each mention your wife with voice of tender feeling in front of me? Why do you want to let me see your hesitating? , do you really ignore my agony? No, tall and erect, you see, you are just doing it for me to see.
Give tall and erect leave, it rain, rainwater row the train windowpane, the world has cried for the paint face. I can’t cry, bear, bear, it is hurt and wronged to bear the tears into one kind. Say tall and erectly, do not like seeing me and shedding tears. It is just a usual difference, why giving up like this in the heart, like parting forever. Twitch in the heart, can not see future, do you love me? Do you really love me? Why I can feel vast and hazy, why? Why I can’t have a distinct answer, why do not I know what you are thinking on earth? Find, promise, so a meaningful thing originally, it will make you calm for the first time, let you see the clear one’s own direction. I think, I begin to excuse me in the small army.
Sit on the car, see the tall and erect car brushes past. Tear, until consciousness spring well up.



Chapter six Flower (3) of pessimism
I knew at last which kind man I liked, they all had a firm expression in one’s eyes, and the composure posture of taking a tense situation calmly.
And tall and erect, be messy in the heart? I do not know. The ones that have not just thought of as hitting while meeting by the acquaintance oneself are bold and assured.
Bei Bei is said, you violate the ethical one like this, the other person should be condemned forever.
I carry back with perfect assurance at all times, but do not have emotion but that unwilling to make way for is a real third party just now.
But, why will I think that have a guilty conscience?
I think, I will suffer retribution, sure.
That boy is good, he likes you. See me smiling tall and erectly.
Are you jealous? I am bantered on purpose tall and erectly.
How can. Smile tall and erectly.
Yes, how? Then what I really can be regarded as? It can not even be jealous to me to be tall and erect. Pain in the heart bluntly and bluntly, the language is getting sharp immediately.
I know, begin to think me impervious to reason tall and erectly.
Xiao Cheng stops up me the rim of the mouth of a bottle, etc. to fit the cap of the lane, is because of him? You because of him?
Xiao Cheng, where am I unhappy?
The ice is blue, you can deceive me, can defraud of one’s own heart?
Xiao Cheng, in fact you are wrong, it is luxurious to me to be happy, it is only with him, I will have transient happiness, though perhaps will regard long-time agony as the cost.
Deserve?
Worthy.
Ice blue, in fact a lot of things just because it belong to you or unable to belong to you you can think it to be precious, will hope to have even more, but does it really suit you?
I think he is the only companion of my soul, even if we can not be together, even if we have too much difference, even if he has many shortcomings, but he is the people entering into only my soul, he lets me think oneself not lonely any more, his every sentences have function of calming soul for me, he is that kind even if let me far look, my content with one’s lot person.
The ice is blue, you look at me. Cheng Xiao pull shoulder of me, I tell you whether people only in companion of soul, just it is difficult to ask. You should understand, even if you ask nothing, will bring the disaster to his life.
I have seen and loved in Xiao Cheng’s eyes.
In life, full of disasters, and I am the star of calamity, I brought the disaster in various degree to the people around. Alternatively, I shouldn’t exist at all. And I, there are cat’s generally hard lives, perhaps, I shouldn’t fall in love with anyone, shouldn’t let anyone fall in love with me either. I only offer as a gift to fall to an evil spirit of this world.
It is twelve o’clock at mid-night to receive the tall and erect telephone, I am passing through the more than half cities on the last bus, tall and erect and drunk, to sob whom I hear his Chaos on the phone, he says, the ice is blue, I miss you very much, think you are the more lonely. I say, tall and erect, have a rest obediently, the wine will be never solving medicines of spirit. Too noisy on the car, hear the sound not clear and tall and erect, just anxious.
Not dialing the tall and erect telephone until after home, this is the first time to put through that number, if night is too deep, if not the tall and erect drunk language upsets me, perhaps I will never put through that number, the following thing should be unable to just happen so.
After the ring tones has been loud for a long time, I hear a sound, very gentle female voice. Alarm in a flash, put down the telephone, I can face the she with perfect assurance.
For a long time, tall and erect to come on, think I. This city, a kind of disease prevails, it is lonely to be called. I, just like an impatient lion, the neighbour’s TV is loud, I can not fall asleep, write out things either, some cigarette only, stroll about in room, finally, fall in wall ruthlessly pillow.
Calling tall and erectly, I have one’s face covered with tears.
Then, as soon as I see tall and erectly, I flee on his body rubing. This man, he can’t bear to make me sad, no?
I am only one and has been pulled out the lion of nail and tooth, outwardly strong but inwardly weak, all selfprotectionist actions are just a kind of posture, collapse at the first blow.
It was I who am clever when the beginning that liked tall and erectly, but now, I sting, let him pain all over the body, the distance does not have.
Nightfall, curled up on the bed, said tall and erectly:
She knows I see you.
Did you tell her?
Have not spoken tall and erectly.
I know, it is a person who will not lie to be tall and erect, I have been believing all the time that tall and erect to every sentence which I said. How does she say?
She says she has already lost one’s own favorite, has hoped I can get hold of my emotion.
Then what?
Then she has cried for one night. Taking daughter to Zhouzhuang by oneself the next day, she said she wanted to begin to be learning to live independently. I even begin to hesitate, but the end, I have come, have come to your place.
I see tall and erect agony and can’t bear, and I, anything can’t say a burst of nose miserable.
Begin to remind me of his wife tall and erectly, very usual love in that days of once, get married, there is no too much passion, but there is too much responsibility. But I have seen detailed and detailed tenderness in tall and erect memory. My heart began pain, but hung smiling on the face.
Say tall and erectly, she is a very kindhearted woman who has the scheming, so-so, there are a lot of small habits like you, but a very classical woman, speak very polite on foot, either very radiant with joy, pieces of person that hold back very much in a word. She once saw a beggar at the gate of company, had also specially bought a steamed bun for that beggar, as a result is chased by a group of beggars into the company. Muddleheaded from morning till night, she falls asleep if you speak with her. Say tall and erect and silently, I hear silently. The tear drops silently, does not allow seeing tall and erectly.



Chapter six Flower (2) of pessimism
Kissing ears of my inflammation tall and erectly, the ice is blue, you needn’t suffer such torment for me.
I am perfectly willing.
The ice is blue, your reality is ordered, come back as soon as possible. Bei Bei is said on the phone, that of yours does not call the love at all. Others go, act as the other person is to get wealth to take color, what is your picture, is the ice blue? Don’t let me snivel then, will pay no attention to you.
In fact the ice is blue, you can not forget the small soldier all the time, don’t retaliate against by this way, will only be injured further.
The ice is blue, you are not yourself now, do not have consciousness? You two unfair role actually, why person who always enjoy awkward oneself always it will be you?
You are wrong, Bei Bei.
I have nipped off the telephone of Bei Bei, I do not need others’ understanding, still more. Bei Bei has been said, this kind of personality not crying without knocking into the south wall of yours, should suffer losses sooner or later. Sit on the rattan chair, some cigarettes, finger tips twine round the small soldier’s taste, yes, perhaps the small soldier has already become a part in my life, a kind of habit. Then, do I love on earth to the tall and erect emotion? , I am really lonely, and this man intrudes upon in an appropriate way when being appropriate, need only a word can touch soft rib to get me, then compromise.
Day begins to become very long, I begin to be melancholy, and more in tall and erect sight one layer is perplexed. I am a sensitive woman, have eyes which know the affairs of human life clearly, tall and erect sight begins to be free, begin to lack resolution, he does not carry, I do not say either. Will break out some day.
Happiness written in water like this always, I could not remember the happiness that once had unexpectedly. Once a kiss that he suddenly gave on the street to me made me excited, he is originally a very serious person in the public occasion. Do not just know when to begin, he no longer takes me by hand, he says, the ice is blue, whether you don’t swing one’s arm while walking, do not need the tap-tap, a bit more polite. Get up to give and buy the breakfast tall and erectly early, but he has only eaten two, says, the ice is blue, I do not like eating this. Then busy to go, buy vegetables, cook without end, tall and erect to stop after getting a little knowledge of a subject or about sth., immediately, red eye socket, tidy up the bowls and chopsticks getting hurt and wronged.
Emotion and life, was really two different matters originally, I began to be perplexed and alarmed, began to be agitated, in life, so nitpicking a man, can deal with and obtain.
Xiao Cheng will often phone, invite me to go out to play together, or go to his place to eat, he knows I am lazy, generally speaking always live not so badly the bubbles of eating.
He says, the ice is blue, you should live a normal life, there is daily life with normal normal work, there could be good health and fitness in this way, you will upset people very much if go on like this.
I say Cheng Xiao, the emperor anxious in anxious eunuch really. The desolate achievement acts as the first puffed rice for me.
I talk about Xiao Cheng, you are not too arrogant, can not put down the wife carefully, a friend of mine once warned us seriously, must not dare to look for and study medicine to look for the boyfriend, the sex is cold, or a clean addiction. The eyelid that her doctor’s boyfriend suddenly opened her when two people looked at each other exuding tenderness and love says that it is said, not bad, the color is normal. Or stroke her vertebra from top to bottom when holding her, then say, not bad, not aslant. The fantastic one is abnormal.
Xiao Cheng laughs, Haha, puts down and can not bring you to press the stockaded village.
All of a sudden I sink the lower face.
Xiao Cheng no longer speaks, sometimes, feels Xiao Cheng is very afraid I, afraid I am angry. And I, angry in front of him unprincipled just, one that is all hurt and wronged to vent on at his place.
The ice is blue, I think you more and more unhappy, why?
How? Besides, Buddha says, will come down in order to suffer hardships in life. I smile.
Xiao Cheng smiles too, I just hope you can be happy.
Destined too to be sad if perhaps belong to the blue happiness of ice. I am a person apt to be depressed and worried, can open the flower of pessimism in the piping times of peace.
Take Zhuo by hand, walk in this piece on we strange city very. The tall and erect step is very big, I must trot, seem to be always catching up with the paces of a kind of different frequency. Why consciousness unexpectedly when the beginning, it is calm to get blindly, the truth not changed from days of old in this love formula. And I, will still be holding tall and erect arms very sweetly, look up at him gently, even he is displeased, it is unbending that I have me. And I know this arm to belong to me curved originally, I wonder how long still can be had.
Once saw such a word: Future disaster, the mouth dry tongue be, happy today, will all like.
Liking very much, there is a kind of great desperate scene. Walked out and grew the desperate air grown too while walking unexpectedly. The place waning of the lights, will fall down if the tears are baffled, wipe away silently, it is the woman’s tears that he is most afraid. Have kinds of man, see tears want, run away, I, give tall and erect to bring the heavy feeling already. I see, but can’t get rid of.
Stand by a small stand selling the silverware, hands pick up a on and white carving silver is given up, hang a same silver to give up on my neck, I do not admit having any memory to the small soldier oneself, but can’t lose this finger ring all the time. Had once stared at it tall and erectly for a long time, did not speak at last. In this way the man of the age, has already known clearly. A lot of things can’t be said, it is wrong to say, for example love. I have thought it tall and erect, he is looking at me too, very strange expression in one’s eyes, have no language relatively.
At that time, Xiao Cheng intrudes upon.
The man that is holding looking at among I and arm, become a little distracted desolately.
Is the ice blue? Child child really, how can cover up calmly like being tall and erect. And tall and erect, have also already pierced and succeeded desolately.
I pretend to greet happily, Xiao Cheng, tall and erect.
One in a few words is greeted, the victory or defeat is divided promptly.



Chapter five Happy today will all like (2)
I know all easy my hearts have been reviewing and persuading oneself all the time
Most afraid you suddenly said that wanted to give up
The love really needs courage to face the slander
So long as an expression in one’s eyes of yours affirms my love is meaningful
All of us need courage to believe that will be together
Crowd are crowded I can feel you put your sincerity in my palm
If I strong to can injure you because of carelessness while being wilful
Whether you can remind me gently though the heart is too worried fear to lose you by mistake even more
Chapter six Flower (1) of pessimism
The man shouting on the fruit stand, bean curd Xishi, is shaking the old man that the cattail leaf fan gets sun at the roadside, it is one day that time solidifies, look at the blue and green stone way board and lost in thought, the slabstone has already been seen through by sight, it is too shy to stand up, suffused with the thin light. Perhaps, go out of a work person in the slabstone taking off. It is still a sample of that year, that year’s circumstances.
Such an old street, let me want to go to Vietnam sometimes, want to go to Saigon, think of Lars and her lover Du.
Just know, it was so difficult to suit originally after leaving.
I do not go to the tall and erect city, clever if ice is blue, how to let oneself face any kind of awkwardness, no matter offer tall and erectly, or anyone.
I remembered it once to saying tall and erectly, I went to your place simply, the answer that is got was to talk ambiguously, this lifetime, there is not the same question again. And tall and erect, if can’t be with me, I will never set foot on that land that he belongs to.
From the tall and erect city not far, rent the next set of old rooms. I am that one is a kitten with vagrant love, climb to the body of another city from a city, untiring.
The old room is in the centre of the old city, very old city, very old street. The shabby bicycle tricycle is twisted creakily creakily.
Lane son of narrow slabstone, deep, dark. Once in a while, in the street will spread voice of Chinese fiddle or who of old record sound of gramophone, unless it is the thin the thin, mention stand up heart,innumerable twists and turns round,silk last ring to buckle silk, so thin that let you love, then suddenly disappeared, the heart which wore you hung in midair.
The man shouting on the fruit stand, bean curd Xishi, is shaking the old man that the cattail leaf fan gets sun at the roadside, it is one day that time solidifies, look at the blue and green stone way board and lost in thought, the slabstone has already been seen through by sight, it is too shy to stand up, suffused with the thin light. Perhaps, go out of a work person in the slabstone taking off. It is still a sample of that year, that year’s circumstances.
Such an old street, let me want to go to Vietnam sometimes, want to go to Saigon, think of Lars and her lover Du.
I live on the seventh floor, the only top floor of high building in this block, have big windowpanes, can see the roof of the old city splashed with gold colouring under Yu Hui and the setting sun of the setting sun, often sit in the rattan chair by the window seeing shine clouds staring flankly, in ceaselessly staring flankly when wait, think that so goes always by oneself.
Come to this city for the first time, cause considerable trouble. Decline, work, money on hand want getting urgent to order, spend, I till death unwilling to spend tall and erect one, seem, prove a one’s own one clean, and originally, how use small money of soldier calm only in this way, always enjoy, the greatest hope is that the small soldier can much make the much money, I sit on the bed counting every day. Whenever talk about this hope, at the time of the smile that hopes like showing idiots, the small soldier says, it is be careful not to be killed by the money. So big a basin of cold water.
Look for the house, move, sweep, all should be finished by oneself, this is a too strange city, even have no friend, fall down by oneself after all things are settled, too tired, fortunately still hope in the heart. Begin, assign, let the light nest try hard with family feeling, say wife to oneself and indifference of family only and tall and erectly diligently, put forth effort to make a comfortable temporary dwelling place for him.
Lose the job, in a state of anxiety to know all day, I begin, write, give various magazine write various story that sensationalize every day, give the advertising agency a part-time job composition case, busy for such a few years, it was time that had a rest too. The place sparrow although little and the five internal organs available fortunately, far university to some extent of place non-, can often go to breathe the fresh air, there is a public library nearby, can read while drinking coffee, life can be regarded as comfortable, just expect too long.
I collect and belong to that tall and erect city materials and picture, have seen those pressing the place of his footprint, often weep buckets. That city not belonging to I, that person that I love, all of a sudden there is a kind of strange fear. Being destined is a pessimistic person, is listening to his breath, in the place that can not touched. The a little hearts one is getting garrulous. I know how long still can be supported, allow oneself to wither in boundless miss. I do not know it is the end that how long, how long wait
Tall and erect to can come, see I once in a while, accompany me write together, listen to the music, read, play ball, turn in old street just, eat various local delicacies. Eat the snacks and see the video disc together in the evening, or lie in bed telling a story. I like the tall and erect arms, safe, make warm. He falls asleep patting me in this way, never infringes.
Some emotion can by surmounting the human body in time, I believe. With the pureness tall and erect together, with extraordinary heart, sometimes, I even thought, we were a person at all, alternatively, it is a person that kissed more yet than the relative.
When together, will always draw my hands tall and erectly.
While separating, should linger on on the net every day. Tall and erect to call me every day, one sometimes, several sometimes, see good article take, read for me too, or only a gentle greeting and anxious, I feel rich.
The sound in the telephone when I like tall and erect and tipsily, gentle, magnetic, he will call you the treasure, will say I love you, all these are what our institute can’t have when he wakes up.
Remind friends of me tall and erectly, it is proud to be full of, he says she is a girl of a very clever and efficacious air, then, I have known tall and erect good friends had, bicker and chat on the phone, some comfort that I think more or less that this lets, is not tried to cover up by blue woman of ice this tall and erectly after all.
Just, such a day can’t be permanent, because you expect to some extent. Because reality can’t be glossed over.
I know, like that kind of classical beauty tall and erectly, and I, do not belong to that category, I have an eye as cat of face with clearly demarcated raised angle. Tall and erect to say woman of dream to bring tassel ear drop, busy to dress two wounds even at earlobe without end, do not know tall and erectly, been worn two pieces of blood mouth in my heart deeply too, all of us do not know.



et cetera
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